comeawayywithme
myself.
Tags: 
writingconfessional
writingconfessionalFirst to start off- I'm trying to take on a more positive role in life. I want to like my friends, I want to enjoy school, I want to make the best out of my understandings of humans. I've been pointing out all my faults lately. I've come to the realization that I am incredible superficial; I need to wear makeup all the time, and feel pretty, or I am not confident. I hate all my friends, because they started acting like me. Therefore, I must hate myself. I dig so deep into myself, that I am aware of every aspect of myself, and how it might look to others. I try to the point where I fail because of my every attempt. I'm really jealous and have confidence issues, even though people tell me I look like a model. It doesn't mean anything to me. Therefore, I must look inside for this. No matter how pretty I try to look, I've come to find, I am never really happy. The humorous this about this, is how aware I am of my problems, yet I don't know how to fix them, because the only way to fix them is by trying, but by trying is how I destroyed myself. I can never tell if I'm full of myself, or have low self esteem. Maybe it's a mixture of both. I want to manage the little boutique on Galveston street that I work at because I simply love bossing people around. I love bossing people around because I have a severe fear of not being in control of anything. I love being in control of friends, family, and objects. I have weird dreams that make me cry that symbolize my fear.The only pure form of happiness and bliss I have received is from my boyfriend Sterling. I am extremely fascinated with love. The way it removes every doubt, every awareness of myself, and replaces it with peace. It's an incredible phenomenon and id love to dig into the roots of love. Love is just incredible, the only outlet to escape yourself, and purely admire another. God it's beautiful.
I'm trying to decide why I am finding every human flaw possible, and tying them around my neck. I need to work on myself.
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January 2012
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